Chapter 18 was a little tough for me to write. It reminded me a lot of when I was going through times of depression and extremely low self-esteem.
In this chapter, Ricardo is speaking to the person on the other side of the mirror. He’s being scolded, picked apart, and broken. The truth can do that to us at times. Unfortunately, we are often the hardest on ourselves and can often be the ugliest with ourselves. I remember having several times when I would do this to myself. In a time of darkness, emptiness, and just lowness, we are often the ones beating ourselves down even lower. Almost as if a part of us thinks we deserve to be in this position or even don’t deserve to be out of it. How cruel we can be to ourselves when the world around us already seems to be cruel enough.
We all have our little “voices” inside of us that either encourage us or discourage us. We choose which one we feed. A lot of times, when the world seems so dark, one seems easier to feed than the other. I think we see that with Ricardo and the kind of social life he has been experiencing for years now. With a small glimmer of happiness moving in, it’s quickly covered and hidden away. It’s a depressing day for him, even so much as not wanting to text or talk with Brianna, which is something he would have jumped at any time before this.